Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
