I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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