he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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