this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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