I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
