I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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