Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
