I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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