Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
