at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just googled if crying burns calories
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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