Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
