You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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