I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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