I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
