New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
