her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
