I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
