Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
