My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
