How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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