So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
