i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
