god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
