but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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