whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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