I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
