first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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