I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I got inside last night via doggy door
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
