It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
