we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
