I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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