wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
