is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
