she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
