If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
