It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
