He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
