Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
