he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
