You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Houston, we have a blender
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
