so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
