hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
