Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
