Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
