I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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