these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
