Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
