My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
