Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
