Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
