Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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