I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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